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McSweeney's Internet Tendency

Feeling Wistful as My Daughter Moves on to College Active-Shooter Drills

Slackjaw

Relax In Our Fragile Airbnb

Haiku For Turning Forty

I’m A Racehorse Who’s Sick Of This Shit

I’m the Algorithm That’s Convinced You’re Into Teddy Porn

Chinese Spy Balloon Or Björk?

If You Love Me, You’ll Wear This Headlamp

Nothing Makes Me Feel Young Like Seeing The Band I’ve Been Listening To For Thirty Years

I’m the Gorgeous and Delightful Woman In The Movie Who’s All Alone In the World

I’m the AI Program that Created Marvel’s Next Blockbuster

Points in Case

Entrepreneur Seeks Low-Paid Assistant to Read His Mind

I Insist You Stay with Me, And You're Going to Hate It

My Self-Driving Car Lets Me Focus On It Killing Me

Condolences from the AI Software That’s Taking Your Job

I'll Buy Your Mushroom Superfood If You Promise to Stop Asking

A Hearty Fuck You from Cream of Tartar

The Satirist

Admire My Kitchen Remodel or Die

MuddyUm

Let Us Build the Hideous Mansion of Your Dreams

I Haven’t Gotten More Eccentric, My Pet Iguanas Agree

I’m the Tough Guy Manhandling My Recycling Bin

Adult Skills I Lost in the Pandemic

Affordable Apartment Requires Security Deposit and Your Immortal Soul

Right-Wing Remakes of Disney Films

I’m Mickey Mouse, Who’s Not Imprisoned In Disneyland

Critical Race Theory Is Hurting My Baby

I’m the Movie Assassin Forced Out Of Retirement Again

GOP Presidential Candidates Promise Coups Will Be More Professional

I’m the Dad Who Flirts with the Moms at My Kid’s School

Leper Asserts Right to Lick Faces

Interview with Flag Day: “I’ll Kick Independence Day’s Ass”

My Enlightened Prophet Smells Like Crap

The Haven

Sharing My Problems With The Housekeeper Proves I’m Not Racist

University Promises No More Soul-Crushing Scandals From Now On

No Really It’s Fine That You Brought Your Kid to the Adult Dinner Party

We Will Indict President Biden As Soon As We Retrieve Our Evidence From a Parallel Universe

Reasons to Go Back to the Moon

Cocaine Bear: Sequels and Spinoffs

Elon Musk Blames Children On Operators of Self-Driving Penis

Alex Jones or a Cigar?

Maxim’s Manliest Drink of the Year

The Difficult Conversation After You See Paradise By The Dashboard Light

Look, The Husbands Are Bonding

14 Signs Your Favorite Neighbor Is A Russian Hitman

Robot Butt

Putin Claims Russian Troops Only Targeting Alien Xenomorphs

Wizard Store Owner Insists Wizard Robes Not Just for Wizards

Trillionaires Help So Many While Raking in Trillions

Greener Pastures

United Nations Climate Panel Wonders If You Give a Shit

Top 10 Responses To Ordering A “Cup of Coffee” In A Brooklyn Coffeehouse

© 2022 James Klein

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