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Slackjaw

Haiku For Turning Forty

Relax In Our Fragile Airbnb

My Loser Cat Gets Zero Likes

I’m A Racehorse Who’s Sick Of This Shit

If You Love Me, You’ll Wear This Headlamp

I’m Not Moving From In Front of This Museum Painting

I’m Not Afraid Of AI Because Technology Has Fulfilled Every Promise

Letter From The Alumni Association That Tracked You Down

Werner Herzog’s Dispiriting Haikus for the New York Subway

I’m the Algorithm That’s Convinced You’re Into Teddy Porn

Introducing MomE, The Virtual Assistant That’s Unhappy With Your Life Choices

Nothing Makes Me Feel Young Like Seeing The Band I’ve Been Listening To For Thirty Years

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I’m the Gorgeous and Delightful Woman In The Movie Who’s All Alone In the World

Presenting My Scientific Breakthrough Of A Snake With Human Arms

I’m the AI Program that Created Marvel’s Next Blockbuster

Your Cat’s Op-Ed On Your New Baby

New York City Dog Breeds

The Father’s Guide To Camping

Chinese Spy Balloon Or Björk?

The Satirist

Admire My Kitchen Remodel or Die

MuddyUm

Let Us Build the Hideous Mansion of Your Dreams

I Haven’t Gotten More Eccentric, My Pet Iguanas Agree

I’m the Tough Guy Manhandling My Recycling Bin

Adult Skills I Lost in the Pandemic

Affordable Apartment Requires Security Deposit and Your Immortal Soul

Right-Wing Remakes of Disney Films

I’m Mickey Mouse, Who’s Not Imprisoned In Disneyland

How to Find Our Township’s Inaccessible Public Beach

Critical Race Theory Is Hurting My Baby

I’m the Movie Assassin Forced Out Of Retirement Again

GOP Presidential Candidates Promise Coups Will Be More Professional

I’m the Dad Who Flirts with the Moms at My Kid’s School

Leper Asserts Right to Lick Faces

Interview with Flag Day: “I’ll Kick Independence Day’s Ass”

My Enlightened Prophet Smells Like Crap

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